Kurawaka. the journey home

*Kōrero whakatūpato | Trigger warning*
This kōrero discusses miscarriage and pregnancy loss. 

I originally began to write this piece as a tuhinga to submit for the Papatūānuku Collection of Awa Wahine. I didn’t finish or submit it at the time.

When thinking of Papatūānuku, I connected to our pēpi who wasn’t destined for te ao marama. Reflecting on my experience of losing a baby, I wrote a story from the perspective of Te Tohu o Te Kōtare and our journey of miscarriage. 

I’ve tried to finish this piece, holding onto it for some time. As kōanga arrived, I greeted the first kōwhai blooms to puawai from pēpi’s rākau. A tohu to set this story free. 

Kōwhai | 24.09.24

Kurawaka.
the journey home

Originating from Rangiātea, I am a seed carried across generations of tūpuna wāhine. 
Taking root in a storm of electric energy.  

Te kōpū embodied me for ten weeks.  
Te pū, te more, te weu, te aka, te rea. Te waonui, te kune, te kore, te pō.  
A long, dark, night.  

Beating for seven weeks, an instinctual rhythm of hearts. 
Hormones pulsed throughout her.  
Our path was destined by whakapapa.  

Red soil shed around me, separating my whenua from te kōpū. 
I set off for Kurawaka.  

Days passed, transitioning through sacred channels. 
Gently massaged by te kōpū. 
I reached the realm of Hine-nui-te-pō.  

She received me in awe, inspecting me with tender curiosity.  
The missing piece to a broken heart.  
My tinana laid in state for one night. 

A wave of grief gushed over her, my wairua clinging tight.  
Transplanted in a storm of spiritual vibrations. 
Te kōpū o Papatūānuku.

Days passed, wairua traversing te ao kikokiko. 
She clung to me. 
Clouded by a cloak of darkness.

I travelled in the dreams of kaitiaki.  
Translating tohu, tikanga. 
In search of rongoā.

Her karanga transcended te ao wairua. 
Uprooting the terrestrial threads left binding. 
Each hotu, releasing what remained of me. 

I am a seed, resting at the roots of rākau.  
Blooming, rich hues of kōwhai. 
Tohu, drawing her back to me.

I am a kaitiaki, travelling with kōtare. 
Observing, a celestial silhouette. 
Tohu, leading me back to her. 

 

E Te Tohu o Te Kōtare, hoki wairua mai

 

Te Tohu o Te Kōtare | 25.08.24 | Shot on Apple iphone 15 Pro

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